By Louis Medina

They call themselves “survivors” because the pain, grief and guilt caused by the suicide of a loved one can be intense enough to make them want to die, too.

But even in their suffering, they are able to find strength and the will to go on living and help others by raising awareness about an issue that is still taboo for many people.

“If I can save just one life and one family from going through this, it’s all worth it,” said Bakersfield resident Estella Vega, 47, a single mother of four who lost her 19-year-old son, Jacob Duran, to suicide by hanging two years ago.

Sporting T-shirts that say “In Loving Memory of Jacob Duran,” Vega and 21 friends and family members will honor her son, as well as her wish to help others, on Saturday, Nov. 7, when they join hundreds of survivors and supporters in the first-ever Kern County Walk to Prevent Suicide. The free event is scheduled to take place at 9 a.m. in southwest Bakersfield’s Silver Creek Park.

As of this writing, 239 people were already registered for the walk, which is a part of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s 2009 Out of the Darkness Community Walks in the fight against suicide. Bakersfield’s will be one of 190 such walks throughout 47 states, according to the AFSP website.

“We want to promote life – the power of life and the power of prevention – not just the tragedy of death. Suicide prevention is all about living,” said Bill Walker, 49, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a crisis services administrator for Kern County Mental Health. Walker has worked in suicide prevention on and off since 1978. He is glad the Out of the Darkness event will also help erase the stigma that exists against suicide, and provide healing for survivors, he said.

“If you can’t walk, don’t worry about it” and show up for support anyway, said event organizer Ellen Eggert-Hallgren, 51, who works with Walker. Hallgren lost two brothers to suicide: Danny Eggert, her eldest brother, jumped off San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge 17 years ago when he was 41; her twin, David Eggert, killed himself in his garage using carbon monoxide in May 2000. “We lived around the corner from each other. We were very close,” Hallgren said of her twin.

Stories of Grief and Hope

A substance abuse counselor who also leads a monthly suicide survivor support group, Hallgren knows that mental health problems can run in families. The problems can lead to substance abuse, illnesses such as depression and bipolar disorder – with which she was diagnosed 25 years ago – and suicide. She herself has attempted suicide in the past, she said, but now, “I know myself well enough. If I start slipping, I know what to do.”

What to do, for Hallgren, is to reach out for hope, strength and love to her husband, Don; their 1-year-old calico kitty, Gracie; her fellow survivors; mental health professionals; her faith; and, just as importantly, to take her medication as prescribed.

“My son was not one to take medication,” Vega said, “so I knew he was not going to do that every day.” Jacob had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had his first manic episode in March 2007, while he was a pre-med student at UC Berkeley. He had come home after that, and attempted suicide on a couple of occasions. Once, in June, he tried to poison himself with carbon monoxide by lighting a barbecue grill and locking himself inside a bathroom, Vega said.

The day he died, Aug. 1, 2007, Jacob was “acting like his normal self,” his mother said. He had gone to the movies and bowling with friends. He chose the home of his best friend, about three blocks away from Vega’s house, to hang himself. His best friend’s brother found him.

For some reason, Vega said, the coroner notified her father of the death first.

“As soon as I saw my dad standing in the door with sunglasses on at 6:30 in the morning, I knew something was wrong.” Jacob was dead, he told her. “And I fell to the floor.”

“Since he was little, he told me he was going to be a doctor,” Vega lamented. She said she cried this week when she went to pick up the T-shirts Jacob’s team will wear on Saturday.

Vega now attends Hallgren’s suicide survivors support group. She has also received much support from her priest, the Rev. Craig Harrison, pastor of St. Francis of Assisi Church. “If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here today,” she said.

In the two years since her son’s suicide, Vega has learned a lot and is willing to share her experience with others. “I’m willing to talk to any parent that will listen to me or any child that needs someone to talk to,” she said.

Her advice to parents is no-nonsense and carries a sense of urgency: “Talk to your children even if you think there’s nothing wrong. Be open with your children and tell them that you love them no matter what. You may not like what they have to say, but listen to them. Let them talk.”

She and Hallgren are committed to making the suicide prevention walk a tradition. “We’ll be doing this every year,” Vega said, “con la ayuda de Dios (with God’s help).”

Suicide Nationally and in Kern County

According to the AFSP, more than 33,000 people — one every 16 minutes — die by suicide in the United States every year. Currently, suicide is the 11^th cause of death in the nation, and the fourth leading cause of death for adults between 18 and 65. California ranks 43^rd among the 50 states for suicide, with 9.2 suicides per 100,000 population. Wyoming ranks first with 22.6 suicides per 100,000.

There were 583 suicides in Kern County between 2000 and 2007, between 65 and 87 each year, according to information Hallgren shared from the Kern County Department of Public Health’s Division of Health Assessment and Epidemiology.

Among those, there were four times as many suicides by males (469) as there were by females (114).

“That’s a historical statistic that’s global,” said therapist Walker. “Three to four times more men than women complete suicide,” he explained, “although two to three times more women than men attempt suicide.”

Why more men “get away with” taking their own life might have something to do with the means used. “Firearms are the most lethal and the most common way for a completed suicide,” he said. Women and girls — especially Latinas locally — often attempt to die by overdosing or cutting their wrists, which are less lethal and immediate.

Walker also explained other aspects of suicide.

“The greatest portion of suicides is related to depressions and losses,” he said. “Suicide is seen as a solution to a problem (the victim) can’t negotiate (or solve).”

He said the dynamics of suicidal thinking and attempts among young people are strikingly different from those among mature adults or the elderly. For every one completed suicide among teenagers, there are 100 to 200 suicide attempts, Walker said. But among those 65 and older, he said, the ratio is an alarming one in four.

“With the younger person, there’s tremendous ambivalence,” he said. “Teenagers don’t tend to sustain their attention as much as an older person does. That ambivalence often saves their life. Someone in their 40s, 50s and 60s tends to sustain their focus and determination longer. A teenager can become suicidal more readily but can also become un-suicidal more readily.” Also, Walker said, “Teenagers have a boomerang effect where they can bounce back and work through things.”

For older people, especially those who have experienced much loss due to widowhood, the death of loved ones, grown children moving away, and failed health and finances in their old age, the danger of suicide increases.

“By the end of life, many times the elderly person doesn’t see a future,” Walker said. “They are going to ruminate on their losses more, whereas a teenager is more likely to bounce back.”

Walker said the most difficult scenarios are people who are in chronic pain but haven’t been given a clear diagnosis of death and find that their pain could last for years, unlike people who know they only have a short time to live. “Most people who are given the one-year scenario fight like a dog to stay alive,” he said.

Kern County Walk to Prevent Suicide

When: 9 a.m. Saturday, Nov. 7 (Check-in is at 8 a.m.)

Where: At Silver Creek Park, on Harris Road at Reliance Drive, between Ashe and Gosford roads. Participants will walk around the park twice, for a total of about two miles.

Why: To raise awareness about a dangerous yet taboo subject, and to help survivors of suicide to heal.

Who: All are welcome to this free event. No registration fee is required. Donations to help with suicide prevention efforts are appreciated.

How: Register online at www.outofthedarkness.org or just show up at the park at 8 a.m. for check-in on Nov. 7.

Information: 661-868-1552

How can you help someone in a suicidal crisis?

Learn the warning signs of suicide, which, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, include:

Observable signs of serious depression: persisting low mood, pessimism, hopelessness, desperation, anxiety, psychological suffering, inner tension, withdrawal from others, sleep problems

• Increased alcohol and/or other drug use
• Recent impulsiveness and taking unnecessary risks
• Threatening suicide or expressing a strong wish to die
• Making a plan: giving away belongings or prized possessions; saying goodbye to loved ones; the sudden or impulsive acquisition of a firearm or other means of killing oneself, such as poisons, medications or rope
• Unexpected rage or anger

Know where to turn to for help:

• In Kern County, call the Kern County Mental Health Crisis Hotline, 1-800-991-5272
• In Southern California, call 1-877-7-CRISIS
• Nationwide, call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK
• Visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website, www.afsp.org, or the Los Angeles Suicide Prevention Center’s website, www.suicidepreventioncenter.org.

Help for Survivors of Suicide

A Suicide Survivor Support Group meets the third Tuesday of each moth from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Consumer Family Learning Center, 5121 Stockdale Highway (West Door). Call 661-868-1552 for information.

On Saturday, Nov. 21, 2009, simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the United States, including Bakersfield, from 10 to 11:30 a.m. Pacific Time. For information on how you can participate, call 661-868-1552. For those survivors who don’t live near a conference site or can’t attend in person, the 90-minute broadcast will also be available live on the AFSP website with a live online chat immediately following. The program will then be saved on the website where anyone can view it at anytime. For more information, visit www.afsp.org.

Volunteering

Please call 661-868-1552 to find out how to train to be a volunteer on the Kern County Mental Health Crisis Hotline. Volunteers are always needed, especially English-Spanish bilingual speakers.